


you're already the voice inside my head

by ragingchaos



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, i think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-22
Updated: 2017-04-22
Packaged: 2018-10-22 11:44:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10696341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ragingchaos/pseuds/ragingchaos
Summary: After disappearing for more than a year, Tyler's guilt had finally swallowed him and now he was standing before the house he knew all too well once again.





	you're already the voice inside my head

**Author's Note:**

> title from i miss you by blink-182

Standing in front of a too familiar door, Tyler felt fear running inside of him. Fear of anger. Fear of disappointment. Fear of rejection. Everything was swirled into one and he found himself struggling to not drown.

After disappearing for more than a year, Tyler's guilt had finally swallowed him and now he was standing before the house he knew all too well once again. He briefly wondered why he was here and not at his family's house instead. They should be the first ones he came to, right? So the reason why his brain and his body dragged him here was beyond him.

As Tyler thought about what would happen next, his heart felt heavy in his chest and he felt like it was going to collapse at any moment. He was trying to form some words in his head, finding the right way to say sorry and explain why he left and abandoned everyone he knew, to explain how selfish he was.

Tyler remembered the last time he stood in this same porch, which was right before he left. He wanted to spend his very last moment in this city with Josh, and he remembered him asking Tyler if he was alright in worry because of the way he acted that day.

"You know I'll always be here for you, right? You can tell me anything," Josh told him with those lines on his forehead that Tyler had always hated to see, and Tyler smiled at him, not saying anything because he feared the truth would spill out if he opened his mouth.

Tyler declined Josh's offer to sleep at his house that night, making up some lame excuses before heading off to nowhere with heart heavier than the bags that were on the backseat of his car.

And now here he was once again on Josh's doorstep, waiting for the text he'd received everyday since he left. Other people had given up on trying to get a contact from him, had stopped blowing up his phone. Even his family's messages were starting to come less often, only about twice a week or so. But then there was Josh, who kept on texting him around the same time every morning and every night even though he had never got a respond.

Maybe it was one of the reasons why Tyler was here and not at his family's house, he hesitantly concluded. Josh was the only one who hadn't given up on him, who built his guilt up so that it became big enough to drag him back here.

Tyler took his phone out and opened his messages, tapping on Josh's name and reading the last few texts as he waited for a new one.

 _7:18_  
_so i had a dream of you dying last night and now i'm the dying one haha. i realized that even tho the last 396 days had been hard without you, it's okay if you don't come back, as long as you're alive. i don't think i can live in a world where you aren't._

 _20:26_  
_just got back from dinner at a new restaurant not too far from my place, and i think you're gonna love it there. they have that kind of pasta you really like. i'll take you there if you come back, but again, it's okay if you don't. i just want you to be happy._

 _8:12_  
_good morning, sleepyhead! i spilled some milk earlier because that stupid song you like so much came on. it's been 397 days since you left and you still have that effect on me, haha. i hope you're doing well and not spilling milk all over the place like me, wherever you are._

 _21:32_  
_i'm watching this tv show i found and now i can't stop thinking about when you'd come to my place and demand for a marathon everytime you found a show you thought was interesting enough, even tho you always fell asleep in the middle of it. sweet dreams!_

And then the last one.

 _7:39_  
_i dreamed of you again last night, which isn't surprising, i guess. i can barely count the ones where you weren't in it since the last 397 days (+1 from yesterday) haha. you were alive this time, and we were together and everything was fine and we were happy. i don't think this is any better than a nightmare tho, because i had to wake up to the real world alone and live without you._

Tyler had already read that this morning, but it didn't make the guilt hit him any less harder, still crushing his chest in its palm and leaving him breathless as tears welled up behind his eyes. He took a deep breath and rubbed his eyes harshly, trying to not cry. Not yet.

Tyler didn't even know when Josh would text him tonight. It was nine and Josh had texted him at around eleven once. It could happen again. So he probably should have waited in his car instead of standing in front of Josh's front door like a creep.

He was just considering that when he felt his phone vibrated in his hand, breaking him away from his thoughts. Tyler quickly looked down at it and felt his heart falling to his stomach when he saw that there was a new message from Josh.

His fingers shakily tapped the screen to open the said message, breath stalling as his throat closed up. His eyes moved quickly as he read the words, brain slowly processing everything.

 _21:09_  
_i just saw a post about cats and i'm thinking about getting one (again). but it's just gonna make me sad because it'll remind me of that time you promised me that we'll get a cat when we get a place together. so i'll probably never get one, haha. you should get a cat if you want tho, because cats are wonderful._

Tyler felt guilt washing over him once again, threatening to drown him and never let him come back up again. It made him want to barge in and beg for Josh's forgiveness and back out to his car and never come back at the same time. He probably should do that.

He shoved his phone into his pocket and knocked on the door.

The echoes of the wood being hit ran through the air and Tyler felt dread weighing his entire body down and sticking his feet to the floor, leaving him unable to move from his spot. He heard the sound of footsteps coming from the inside and Tyler feared that he might go deaf from it.

It stopped soon, however, and Tyler heard the voice he thought he would never hear again instead. He couldn't back out anymore, too late to get away from the door that separated him from the one who kept on appearing in his dreams.

"Who is it?" the voice questioned and Tyler's breath got caught in his throat once again, heart beating fastly in his cramped up chest. He couldn't answer and let the sound of the door being unlocked fill the silence instead, blood running cold and stomach swirling with nerves.

The door opened and Tyler finally saw the face he had been dying to see, watching those warm brown eyes he loved so much widen in shock and those lips he knew so well part silently.

Tyler smiled weakly at Josh and swallowed the lump in his throat.

"Hi."

**Author's Note:**

> hope you liked it!
> 
> i'm thinking about making a second part but i also think it's better off like this idk


End file.
